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Created: May 6, 2003
Latest Update: May 6, 2003

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Site Copyright: Jeanne Curran and Susan R. Takata and Individual Authors, May 2003.
"Fair use" encouraged.

On Tuesday, May 6, 2003, Veronica Roberson presented a first draft of her thesis:

A Dissertation Presented to The Faculty of the Graduate School of Management Madison University In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Management

By Veronica A.Roberson
March 20, 2003

jeanne's comments in lighter blue.


Within the preface of this dissertation , organizations are composed of individuals. In order to operate an organization proficiently, the skills of the staff within the organization must be horned. Organizational communication has become an important area of concern in both management and employee satisfaction in business as a whole. For universities communication and business programs are essential to a thriving organization.

Veronica, you're jumping right into the introduction here. I think you should take a look at some recent books with prefaces to decide where you actually want to put this material.

The university is the proto type of future organizations, their position is to put management programs in place as well as train students to full fill positions throughout the business system.

Wait a minute. Most of the recent literature lays out corporate management and customer relations as the prototype for the university. Back this up with some sources.

Systems of organizations are bridged together inadvertently; they are salient to the survival of their counterpart.

Not sure what you're trying to say here. Are you looking at the organization as a system of smaller organizations, each of which contributes to the whole system, and each of which is essential to the survival of the organization as a whole?

The ability to communicate within an organization is one of the major attributes that an individual can acquire. Success in the organization demands good communication. Organizations are changing at such a rapid rate that management must adjust and mediate within the organizational environment through communication. The most critical factor in organizational effectiveness remains the individual who has developed skills in communication.

Communication is too broad a term here. It could cover almost anything, and I think you have some very specific examples in mind.

Unlike other organizational communication, this information

What information? You need a referent to make this sentence make sense.

will focus on individual behavior rather than on organizational structure. The information

Again, what information? You need a referent to make this sentence make sense.

will deal with how individuals should communicate.

I have a problem with the "should." I would prefer a statement that says "one effective means of communications would involve . . . "
However, the material
It sounds like "information" and "material" are being used interchangeably here. Are you talking about the topic or subject of your dissertation as effective communication on an interpersonal level that recognizes the important contribution of individual behavior within the structural context of the workplace? If yes, say that, or something approximately like that.

will touch on how important contexts of good management skills are in efficient communication. Nonetheless the stress is on the individual communicating effectively within those contexts. While the individual must understand the relevant dimensions of organizational life. My endeavor is to assist employees in understanding the communication requirements associated with those dimensions.

I think you're saying what I said above. Try speaking this to a friend until it starts to make sense. Once you've got it down orally, then write it out. You're just stumbling over words here. So start with plain English. Say what you want to say. Then say it over with all the fancy management words.

Examples and illustration drawn from daily bureaucratic life. Each segment has three cases that present real situation as case studies. The cases are followed by guideline for analysis that provide a structure for review and discussion the cases, along with the practical examples within each segment, are intended to enable the viewer to apply the content material to "real life" organizations.

OK. Here you're switching to the organization and plan of the thesis..

The organization of the thesis is as follows. Part one introduces the reader to communication and to organizations. A new chapter dealing with recent developments in management theory has been included in part one. In part two, communication is separated into specific person-to-person skills: listening, interviewing, participating in small groups, and managing through leadership, part three develops the planning and leader processes that are the foundation for effective public communication. Written communication is the focus on part four. Part five deals with improving communication through training. As one who has observed the field for several years, the importance of feedback and recognition, and the growth of technology in the workplace is astounding. Much of what I know about management within the organization has been hands on, working within the infra structure.

Save it for later, until we see that it comes out that way.


What an Organization Is

An organization is a social system established to carry out a purpose. It consists of a number of people in a pattern of relationships. The pattern is not entirely dependent on a particular person who belongs to the organization at a given time. The organization assigns a position to each of its members, and the incumbent of a position has a set part to play in the organization's concert. Every organization has a program and a set of planned activities that can go well or badly. If they consistently go well, the organization thrives. If they go badly, it disappears or is restructured for another try. This doesn't really say very much. Too wordy. Sounds too much like a text book. The manager of an organization is the person who has the primary responsibility for making its activities go well. In an organization a program always involves considerably more than one central activity. Whether the central activity is a production process, a game, a fight or a ceremony, the organization must also maintain its internal structure, keep its employees happy, and adapt to changes in the external environment. In addition, the manager of any organization has a personal problem of establishing authority, In discussing problems, we will view the situation first, since unless the manager can keep the right to manage, the other parts of the managerial assignment quickly become irrelevant. The first chapter is about understanding organizations and their synergistic affect on one another. I think I know what your saying, but you need to make clear what organization in the plural form means here. Departments? or Subsections?

It does the organization little good, however, for the manager to establish authority unless that authority is used to hold the organization together and achieve its purposes. Holding the organization together does not imply that all employees of the organization will have identical goals and agree about how to achieve them, but it does require them to agree sufficiently for the organization to pursue its collective goals in a unified way. This limited agreement results from continuous communication up, down, and sideways within the organization. Most of this communication flows through established channels, formal or informal, and is modified in predictable ways by these channels. All this is discussed in the second chapter, "Communication."

You're repeating the form of your preface here. If you want to tell us what each chapter will address, do that in the preface. Then skip it here.

* * * * *

Let's go back to a traditional format for the Introduction. Something like this:

What's the thesis about?

This thesis addresses the issue of management effectiveness at the interpersonal level within the organization. A number of factors are crucial to such effectiveness. First, we need to recognize the theoretical differences in management theory: theory x and theory y. How did you get the information?

How did the author get her information?

The organizations from which the author gained her personal experience were. X, Y, Z. Los Angeles County, Johnson and Associates . . . That personal experience will be situated within pulished statistics of management studies for which the author will do secondary analysis.

Then, having developed a general introdction on the importance of your topic to the field of management, launch into the theoretical background:

Theoretical Background

My management skills were based on training which considered Theory X to be most effective in service organiztions.

Theory X

Then follow this with five or six pages on what is Theory X.

Theory X

Then follow this with five or six pages on what is Theory X.

For refence here you might try:

Motivation: Theory X and Theory Y